Focusing on what’s missing
This one is last, but by no means least. We are all good at this and most of us practise it not only daily, but hourly and by the minute. –
You don’t believe me? – Do you keep a list of things you need to do each day (and it doesn’t matter whether it is on the computer, in a notebook neatly organised, or on lots of scraps of paper as you go along)?
What do you look at, at the end of the day? – All the things on the list you didn’t get down to? – Thought so. The good news is: you’re not alone.
Interestingly, the ‘Focusing on what’s missing’ pattern often stems from the fact that we’ve been taught not to put ourselves forward when we were young.
It manifests itself in a sense that “as long as this project/task/goal isn’t finished, I haven’t accomplished anything”. So we’re climbing up this mountain of a task, and all we concentrate on is how much further/steeper we have to climb.
This leads to exhaustion or a feeling of being overwhelmed with the task. Because we’ve never stopped, looked back at what we have achieved so far and celebrated the progress we have made, we get discouraged and/or give up.
Choosing to lose
This one is slightly surreal.
Do you hate losing? Do you hate losing so much you avoid situations which bring you into competition with people? – Welcome to the Choosing to Lose procrastination pattern.
Procrastination provides the perfect way to avoid competing with others. Avoiding competing with others guarantees failure. If you don’t compete, you can be absolutely certain that you’re not going to win.
So you are spending all that energy to achieve something you hate. Interesting? Weird? Possibly both, but that’s how it works.
You console yourself with a sense that “I would have won, if I’d tried”, which preserves your illusion of being a winner. However, looked at closely, the illusion fails to convince over the long term, which increases the fear of ever competing…
You can see where this is going…
Paralysis by analysis
This is another favourite of many people.
You are taking on a goal/task/project. Before you begin, you start to analyse what and how it needs to be done. This is good, as it is necessary to plan a project through step by step.
However, while analysing, you start to convince yourself that this has to be done the ‘right’ way. And until you’ve identified that way, it’s no use getting started. You might only have to undo some of what you’ve done already.
You are reluctant to commit to any course of action without more analysis. And the more you analyse, the more potential risks you identify, which need more analysis. This zero risk approach leads to complete paralysis, and nothing happens with the project at all.
Sounds familiar?
The Lone Ranger
This is very popular with people at the helm of a business. You feel you can – or even MUST – do everything yourself. Either because you’re so smart, creative and amazing (remember
Avoiding Effort?) or there is a sense of: “If I ask for help or delegate any responsibilities, it is a sign of weakness and lack of ability.”
This creates a feeling of isolation and overwhelm and, unable to do everything yourself, you resort to delay or avoidance.
Think about the challenges that you face in your business/job every day and how often you feel a ‘fake’ if you don’t (immediately) know how to deal with it. –
How do you deal with that?
What is your preferred course of action?
What is your ‘default’ setting?
How often DO you feel comfortable to ask for help – and who do you ask, if you do?